Transformers 3.

The real reason we went to the Moon? Because the Transformers got there first. Events from the Sixties set off a chain reaction of a long term Decepticon plan to revitalize the Transformer homeworld of Cybertron. After the Autobots are betrayed by Sentinel Prime and banished from the Earth, it is up to Sam Witwicky, his girlfriend, and a rag-tag band of former secret operatives to save everyone.

Two and a half hours? I hate to see what was left on the cutting room floor. Couldn't they have left out the bit with Optimus trying to give the Matrix to Sentinel? Or even the whole damn section of Sam trying to find a job?

There were lots of inconsistencies. Bumblebee saves Sam from Starscream and one minute later he's shown as a P.O.W. Or when Shockwave captures Optimus's trailer. Prime is going on and on about how he needs it. Four hours later He shows up in a jet pack. I guess it's the trailer. They don't explain it. I guess the writers must think that everybody watching must have bought the toy.

Logical transformation was thrown out. I read many articles about how the 3D model designers went to great length to make sure that how the robots looked in robot and vehicle form were proportionally correct. That's why Optimus is a conventional truck and not a cabover. That the change from robot to vehicle followed a logical pattern. Now we see Laserbeak go from printer, flatscreen, and chickbot.

One of the annoyances I had with the first movie was the recycling of lines from the first movie. This one was worse. We were getting plot elelments from the cartoon and comic books. This is the third time that Cybertron is brought to Earth. The second time the Autobot ship is destroyed while taking off. Starscream gets a bomb stuck in his eye and is blown up. And we we get a line from Spock. That's when I said out loud: “Oh my goddess, they just couldn't resist.”

Transformers Animated had fewer references to the original series than this one.

However, the best part? Ken Jeong has his pants off, and we aren't forced to see his wiener.

Matinée for Transformers 4.

Odd Month of Anniversaries.

June is a month that has all kinds of meanings for me.

It is the month I started and ended my Army career. Technically, I signed the paperwork in May, but I did the oath in June. Then I did the oath several more times over the next many months. And I did pick up my orders telling me to get the hell out and don't ever come back in May, but the clock ran out in June.

It is the month that Ravy Comics went online. That in itself is a very uninteresting and boring story. I got time, if you're here, then you do too. I had hoped to get on with Bob and George. I sent in a bunch of comics for review and it was taking so long to get a response I thought I had been rejected by being ignored.

I really really wanted to be published, so I did a little investigating and found out it wasn't as hard as it looked. A friend gave me a beta copy of Fontpage. Just by farting around with it I made something somewhat passable. I had just purchased the webspace and was in the middle of the final designs when I get an email back saying that Bob and George was possibly maybe, kinda sorta, on the fence. A couple a emails later we both agree that it was better we go our separate ways. I wish I could have have gotten the notoriety that would have come with BnG, but I think I made the right choice. Just think, if I had made it, I would have been one of two currently running comics.

Most controversial, June is the month I started blabbing about Rosenkreuzstilette. I think. You see most of the stuff I wrote was pre-blog. Looking at the articles themselves doesn't help because I never dated anything. Right-clicking properties doesn't help either because the created by date is the last time I transferred the file form one harddrive to another. The modified date is two days before that. Same thing with the images I used. The harddrive I found the game on has long since died. The receipt has long since been thrown away.

Luck was on my side. While digging through my Windows Museum. A place where I store all those copies of Windows 95, 98, ME, XP, Vista, and Seven. I found the copy I made of Rosenkreuzstilette to test out the English Patch. There are two versions of this patch: one for the digital download, and one that was for “original” C.D.s only. The Original CD version was released first. Only those who had bought an Original CD could use it. Me, and many other before figured out a workaround. By burning the Rosenkreuzstilette folder to CD. On that CD I made was the created by date of July 2009. Which means I had to been playing the game before then. Maybe May, or even April. But for the purposes of this monologue, June will suffice.

Even more controversial: June is the month my grandmother was born.

And the month her son, my father, was born.

Happy Birthday, America!

Ravy 2011 Pg. 27.

Click Here.

I wanted to use the line: "The one with the hands of an acoustic guitar..." But thought that was too obscure so I went with the less obscure wrestling reference.

Bad Teacher.

Elizabeth's dream of spending rich hubby's money for the rest of her life is thwarted and she must return to the only job she can do: finding another rich guy to sucker. Meanwhile she has to deal with the job of teaching a class and Elizabeth masterly handles this by showing videos all day long.

When she finds her next target, Elizabeth must also compete with sickeningly sweet coworker Amy. Elizabeth fights for her dream by trying to get the one thing she needs to get ahead: breast implants. She does this by doing what she does best: lie, cheat, and steal.

A turn around happens when it is found out a prize of over five thousand dollars is offered to the top teacher in the state. Elizabeth decides that it is time to get serious in teaching so she can show up the ever perky Amy and get the money she needs for the breasts she so desires. Of course when dealing with a group of kids that have been failed by their teacher, Elizabeth does what she does best: more lying, more cheating, and more stealing.

I went to see this at about 10:30 at night and was surprised to see the theater was packed. I was also surprised to see that Bad Teacher got fewer laughs than Green Lantern. (I think a bunch of us were distracted by the rather attractive female in tight-tights constantly making bathroom trips.) There were two parts I didn't like: first was showing a young kid with a boner. Then showing a guy splooging in his jeans.

After having watched "Hung"-over 2, I was happy to see some boobies. Even if they were fake. It was even pretty nice to see Cameron Diaz playing with them.

Now, if those three parts had been left out, this movie would had been about perfect for me. What made this movie very enjoyable for me in particular is that it was a gross out comedy without the grossness. They relied on verbal cues. Painting a picture in the mind of what is going on. Trust me, mental pictures can be far worse than the real thing.

I think I got my money's worth at full price.
To be honest, matinée for the very heavily rated R Bad Teacher.



(By the way that line at the very end of the trailer was changed.)